CHAPTER 9
Strife Within and Without
"We can’t all be lying to you. You know… I mean this thing works."
- Executive Diamond M. J. Michael
*We had a new challenge. We had helped a couple named Rick and Paula* go Emerald. We had been building our business on our own since the 4000 PV level, so Kerry and Chris hardly knew them, or the leaders we had helped develop in their organization. Rick and Paula were level headed and had treated their distributors with respect. They, too, were outraged at the somewhat mindless, arrogant talks we were forced to have our groups sit through. They, too, were disgusted at how our people were being financially bled dry to pay for a seemingly unending list of required books, tapes, and videos. Our leaders were also asked to pay $400 or more in expenses for individual big seminars, and then couldn’t hear the messages, because they were working for free. They did not feel they could say no, as they would appear disloyal or unwilling to serve the group.
Rick and Paula also had been branded as disloyal and had felt the wrath of Kerry. They had made the critical error of questioning upline decisions, when these seemed to be detrimental to their group. We were powerless to protect our own people. The situation was not workable. It seemed as if Kerry could destroy our group faster than we could build it. To this point, Kathy and I had not shared any "negative" with Rick and Paula, as this was a violation of the Cardinal rules. We had put on a strong game face and had not made them aware of our ongoing struggles with Kerry and Zack. Paula called one day and told us that Rick was so frustrated that he had been in their basement, beating the wall with a baseball bat. We needed to talk, or they were on the way out of The Business.
They came over and shared their concerns. The feelings and observations they had were the same as ours. We could no longer cover up, or we were going to lose them and their entire group. They were very good friends. We came clean, and it was an incredible relief to be able to talk to someone about our struggles. They were ready to quit, and everything hinged on the answer I gave to one question: They asked me if the apparent demeaning, arrogant way Kerry behaved was just him or was this what Zack did as well? I shared the frustrations we had but assured them that Zack was a good, honorable man. I explained that Zack was fair and just, but for some reason, Zack did not seem to understand the situation with Kerry’s alienating behavior. He may have heard so many bad things from Kerry and Chris about Kathy and me that he never got an objective view. I had could not reason nor comprehend the fact that Zack knew, understood and approved what was going on.
We decided the best course of action would be for them to bring all this up when they counseled with Zack and Molly next. Perhaps if he heard the same things from an objective second party, Zack would understand the challenges that were tearing our group up. They were scared! We were all both respectful and yet fearful of Zack. We agreed never to acknowledge that we had spoken of this, or all four of us would be in trouble for passing negative and de-edifying. The situation was becoming increasingly critical, as Kerry was unpredictable and more and more militant in his demands on the leaders in the organization. I admired Rick’s courage and honestly was thankful that we were about to have this resolved, so that we would be free to build our businesses and help those we had promised to assist.
Rick called Zack and told him he would like to get on his schedule to counsel soon, as he had some concerns. Zack always promoted himself as the problem solver and asked Rick to prepare a specific list of concerns. We were all enthusiastic about the outcome of this meeting, but upon their return, Rick and Paula did not call us. They didn’t even call the next day. This was very odd. We called them and Paula was still in a state of shock. As she described it, the meeting had started friendly but turned into an all out verbal assault as soon as the Kerry issue was raised. Rick was lambasted for every issue he brought up to discuss!
They experienced, perhaps, an even greater verbal thrashing than we had ourselves. They were accused of having out-of-control egos, a lack of respect, being poor examples, and finding fault with others and with God’s will. They were not able to utter a single word to each other on the hour and a half ride home. They were in a total state of shock and did not know who or what to believe. I think Zack may have hammered them about us, as we rarely spoke for the next two months’ time. Zack had told them they needed to go out of their way to establish a good relationship with Kerry and Chris. They were forced to call them to go out to dinner or to counsel. We did not know exactly what issues they were discussing, as they were now fearful of confiding too much in us. Perhaps Zack had told them we were a bad influence. We all lived in a state of paranoia, not knowing whom to trust.
Rick and Paula did exactly what they were instructed to do and spent time with Kerry and Chris. They drove with them to seminars and counseled with them. This was an incredible farce, since Rick and Paula had a good-sized organization, and the upline, from which they were receiving advice, had blown nearly everyone out of their group. Rick and Paula gave this an earnest effort, as they did not want to be out of favor with Zack, nor appear to be disloyal. Their efforts were to no avail, as after nearly a year of trying, nothing changed. They eventually came back to us, and we re-established our relationship, but we still did not know how we were going to resolve the situation.
Kathy and I now had massive debts. We had cars that looked great on the surface but were barely running. We owed back property and income taxes, and all our credit cards were maxed out. The money we borrowed from our last resources went to pay for the last couple of Go Diamonds Seminars to get the answers we needed, in order for us to go Diamond. We had to do this, because we were desperate. There was no other way. We went in order to get more business logistics to move our business forward. A lot of what we heard, we did not understand at the time. Remember the Cardinal Rule against passing negative? Apparently, there had been a very secretive war going on for quite a while between Amway and Dexter and the other high-level distributors involved in the tool business.
High-level Diamond distributors informed us that things were better now between the Company (Amway) and the field (us) than they ever had been. We did not even know they had been bad. Senior Amway management people and even some of the DeVos family members came in to speak at some of these functions. They praised Dexter for his leadership and showered him with seemingly enormous bonuses, as tokens of their appreciation. Dexter, in turn, praised them with heartfelt emotions. Once the Amway people were not present, we were told the rest of the story and advised not to repeat it to anyone in our group, because it was negative.
Zack had always told us the information we learned on how to build our businesses did not come from Amway, as they just supply us. He even cautioned new Direct distributors about going on their Direct Seminar trip to Amway not to talk to cross line distributors and not to get any ideas from Amway. They were just in the manufacturing end. He would often say that Rich and Jay (references to Billionaire Founders Rich DeVos and Jay VanAndel) haven’t sponsored anyone in over 20 years. Only seasoned leaders, with field experience with a system, know how to put it all together by building and training a distributor force.
Mega-wealthy, Triple Diamond Rick Setzer told us that, many years ago, there was a huge lawsuit between Amway and him regarding the tool business (this being the sales of tapes, books, videos, and seminar tools). According to him, they actually cut his bonus income off, apparently to starve him into submission, and he had to sell many of his assets to keep going. According to Rick, he won the case, and the business of developing tools was made legal. Dexter and his Diamonds told of repeated assaults by Amway and other horror stories.
Triple Diamonds Jerry and Sherry Meadows spoke of qualifying for a high-level luxury trip for what they had done in their business. They were then uninvited by a powerful member of the Amway management staff. They were extremely hurt. Others talked of being investigated by Amway for trumped up infractions of the rules of conduct and nearly having their business destroyed. Some Diamonds actually said that they had been told that Dexter was a crook and was going to jail. Others were placed under great pressure and were told they would be let off the hook if they would just admit who trained them (Dexter). From the little information we received, it appeared that this was about the tool business. Amway did not know how vital the tool business was to holding the distributor force together. In any event, that was all in the past, and we now had a secure future for our children, as these heroes of the faith had paid a great price for us.
It sounded as if Amway wanted to shut down some of their biggest distributors. Why would they do this? Were they afraid these people were becoming too powerful? It did not make sense to me, but we were glad it was history now. We had enough challenges. The ADA board was something that had been promoted as one of the biggest benefits to us as distributors. The Amway Distributors Association (ADA) board was a board comprised of family members that owned or managed Amway and elected Distributor leaders. From the Diamonds we knew, it looked as if Dexter and Diamonds in his organization controlled most of the distributor side of the board. In any event, this board voted on policy change, and it gave us a voice in any issues that could affect our future.
Another wealthy Crown Distributor, Jody Victor, was working closely with Amway senior management and our ownership on a legal document that would help us all with risk reduction. This was the mysterious BSMAA that Zack had initially warned us not to sign. "Risk reduction" was a term that was foreign to us, but he and senior Amway staffers began using it with frequency. He spoke of it as a document that would secure our businesses as never before. He mentioned a distributor class-action suit that had originated years ago out of Philadelphia by a couple named Hanrahan. To the crowd’s glee, he announced that when finalized, this new document would preclude there ever being a case like this again.
Dexter came out and spoke of many of the trials of the hard days. He launched into a talk that was like many we had heard before. Again, we had come out of desperation to hear new Diamonds talk and learn some logistics to move our business forward. Instead, Dexter delivered one of his usual stream-of-consciousness talks. He would tend to cover topics God had told him to say (God speaks directly to him), such as Hillary Clinton’s sexual preferences, Communism, Socialism, loyalty, castrating rapists, Gospel Films, Jesus, wealth, knowledge, life lessons, relationships and how many girlfriends he had in Rome, New York. Despite the fact that these meetings started with prayer, he felt comfortable using crude references to "crap" and "shit" in some of his more enlightened teachings.
A frequent topic of the speakers, particularly Dexter, during one Go Diamond weekend was a disease he had named HUB. It was an acronym that stands for Head-Up-Butt disease. Who had it? It seemed that his answer was anyone that would not agree with him, Amway, or the system. If you were a Democrat or not going Diamond, you had it. If you had a job, you had a serious HUB. It seemed to go on and on. We were so tired in those meetings. It was a bizarre scene to have a few hundred Emeralds and Diamonds who were trying to sit in rapt attention, when most all of them were fighting to stay conscious. People’s heads would be nodding as they dozed off to sleep out of total exhaustion. Some fell asleep sitting up and actually started drooling on themselves.
At one of these Emerald and Diamond meetings, Amway Diamond Bob Howard was lying prone across four chairs next to me with his arms folded across his chest. He looked like a corpse and was completely out. Birdie Yager talked about how tired she was at one of the meetings. Dexter was prodding her to speak, and she did not want to comply. They were both on stage, and he told her to go off stage and get her notes to speak. She said that she hadn’t slept in something like 20 hours.
The most bizarre of Dexter’s teachings, in my opinion, were his sex talks. Remember, as you read this, that neither the general public nor the average distributor were ever made aware of what went on at these leadership meetings. By the time people got to these meetings, they had been well indoctrinated. Also, remember that these meetings were normally started with a prayer. At one of our first few high-level leadership level meetings, very late at night, Dexter decided to share a business secret that a woman Diamond had passed on, regarding the success she and her husband enjoyed. The advice he passed on to the ladies present concerned how to relate to their husbands. The advice was to "screw their brains out." People were actually taking notes!
On another occasion, we were with Dexter in a large, Italian restaurant that had many other people, besides the near thirty in our entourage. We ordered and all of us that were present huddled close to Dexter to hear whatever wisdom he was going to share. Now, picture how odd this must have looked! We were sitting in a restaurant, and we were huddled around Dexter, and the other patrons were trying to figure out who he was and hear what he was saying. He must have looked like a celebrity! He was wearing enough diamond and gold jewelry to look like a short, white Mr. T. There was a hush in the room. For this sex analogy, he chose an attractive, young, Emerald woman sitting near him. He asked her what her name was, and if the guy with her was her husband. She responded to both questions. He looked her right in the eye and asked her if she really enjoyed sex. Then he explained how sex is an important thing and went on and on about some point that I can’t even recall.
At another Emerald meeting, Dexter chose another couple of friends of ours for the example du jour. Once again, a young, attractive woman was selected. He asked the couple their names and then used them as examples. Dexter had been talking about ineffective goal setting. His analogy went like this. Let’s say Tim and Brianna go to their room tonight and have sex with the goal of impregnating Brianna, but they use a condom. The details beyond this are too bizarre for clarity, but a great deal of time was spent on the sperm trying to get through the condom. Somehow, this illustrated poor planning or taking an action that was in conflict with your objective(s).
At the last Go Diamond Seminar we attended, it seemed that nearly the entire function revolved around sex. At one point, the women were brought to a separate room and given specific direction, but there were many speakers that addressed the entire group on this topic. Dexter had had a stroke and felt it was important to advise us that it had occurred on a night when Birdie had refused him sex. (I cannot remember what the point was that time.) On one occasion, he compared the Amway business to sex and said, "Even when it’s bad, it’s good."
At one of those meetings, he seemed to want to humiliate a Diamond woman named Effie Reid on stage. Jack and Effie are two Amway Diamonds who had been with Dexter for a long time. Dexter spoke of taking a trip to Amway headquarters in Michigan in a large recreational vehicle. According to Dexter, Jack told Dexter that he and his wife were going to take a nap but instead would go in the back and have sex. He would then return and tell Dexter that he was "one up" on him. Jack saw Dexter later in the hotel and told him that he was now "two up" on him. Effie was incredibly embarrassed when Dexter attempted to get her to tell the entire audience what Jack had given her for a present one Valentine’s Day. She would not say what the gift was, so Dexter told the crowd that Jack had come out to her, wearing nothing but a red bow tied around his ‘present’ for her.
Another extremely bizarre teaching lesson involved young Executive Diamond Mark Day. Dexter actually brought him up on stage to discuss the details. (Now remember, this is firsthand information. It is way out on the fringe of bizarre.) As Mark and Dexter told the story, Mark had gotten on an elevator with Dexter, and Dexter had noticed Mark’s sprained or broken finger. Dexter asked him if it hurt, and Mark responded that it was giving him a lot of pain. Dexter executed a quick, forceful snap kick to Mark’s crotch, dropping him to the floor. Dexter asked him again how bad his finger hurt, and then made his point that "everything is a matter of perspective."
As strange as this sounds to you, it was even more odd to me, in that Kathy and I were there with a large group of ambitious, intelligent, articulate people. Remember that this was a group of sales professionals, through which as much as 90% of Amway’s global, billion-dollar volume allegedly flowed. None of us walked out or even questioned these strange sessions. I would not understand for years why we stayed. The teachings were not all bizarre. The really strange ones were mostly given very late at night when we were all just praying for the mercy of sleep. I remember being up so long that I actually hallucinated and made Dexter float around the stage in a fuzzy blur.
The bizarre was often offset by something that seemed truly good, honorable, and useful. We had Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s, come and speak to a fairly small group of us. He and Dexter talked about how much they had in common. Dave is a wonderful, kind man and is exactly as he appears on his television commercials. He spoke of hard work, ethics, and values. These were the same things we seemed to have represented.
On another occasion, Rev. Jerry Falwell came in and spoke. His support and praise of both Dexter and Amway reinforced that we were part of something good. For instance, the Internet guys had really caused some problems for us by writing hateful, unsubstantiated criticism of Amway and posting it on the World Wide Web. (I was online but did not visit these sites, because I wanted to avoid negative.) Mr. Falwell did us a big favor by writing a letter that went to the Internet on Dexter Yager’s Internet Services site.
Dexter addressed the same issue at an Emerald and Diamond meeting with the following remarks:
You know, you are going to have to learn to be quick thinkers. You are going to have to tell people, you are going to have things like the Internet coming out all the time with all this crap. You are going to like have one guy is loading all this crap on the Internet. He’s got such a hate for Amway and somebody that he wants to destroy it. God does not deal with hate in his heart. So that’s not God’s man. If you are a Christian, you better understand that. And I’ll tell you something, when push comes to shove and I get with that guy and that situation, I can look him right in the eye and until you can look people in the eye and say, "We are right. We love you. You have the right to be stupid, it’s your life."1
We were taught that the appropriate response was to advise anyone who found information on the Internet that it was not trustworthy, because anyone can post something there. Anyone taking the time from his life to tear down something good obviously was a failure with an ax to grind. We were told that anti-Amway web site owner Sidney Schwartz was a paid agent of our competitor Proctor and Gamble. That certainly explained it. We advised people to take advice only from others who lived the way they wanted to live. If you wanted to succeed in Amway, the shortcut was to take advice from people who had enjoyed huge success. We used many analogies to reinforce this. If someone got the Internet information or spoke to a former distributor who had quit, we would ask them several questions to turn their thinking around.
We trained our people to ask someone with hostile information if they would like their twelfth-grade son or daughter to get advice on college from someone who just quit. Better yet, would you want your newly engaged daughter to get advice from a bitter, angry person who just got divorced? We just needed to teach people how to think things through more logically. They could not afford to make a decision that could impact their entire life, based upon innuendo and false rumors. If we really cared about them, we would not take no for an answer. Perhaps this was what had given Amway distributors an overzealous image to people on the outside.
I was trained to turn a deaf ear to the word ‘no’ when dealing with prospects or when selling distributors on 100% self-use of the products and system. I literally would not hear the word no. I was out with a newly sponsored distributor and showed the plan to a physician and his wife. On the follow-up visit, she spent about 20 minutes telling me that they were interested, but there was no way they could start now. We could get them going in a few weeks, but right now, their apple cart was turned upside down. After hearing about five reasons why there was no possible way they could get started, and it was completely out of the question, I smiled politely and acknowledged how busy they were. Then I mentioned how leveraging their time against mine would actually create a lot more income and free time for them.
As if I had heard nothing for the last twenty minutes, I told her that I had two mornings that week I could stop by and help her get started and asked which was more convenient. She chose the latter, which was only three days away. As we walked out of the house, the distributor I was working with looked at me completely dumbfounded, and said he was amazed that I did not hear anything that I did not want to. Jokingly, I said, "What?" I explained to him that I was not that bold early on but became that way, once I realized that we could have a positive impact on people’s lives.
Life in this business was what you made of it. There was a 100% success rate in the system. The Diamonds’ opulent lifestyles proved it. I was confident, because I kept my mind full of positive, inspirational thoughts that gave me energy. What we thought about regularly directed our actions and our actions determined our future. It was vital to keep our mind in a protected environment. Due to this, we were told to keep our people off the Internet, as it was basically a waste of time, where they could not discern the difference between vital information and slander. Anyone who had time to surf the net was obviously not building his business. One Diamond came in and told a scary story about one of his Directs who had his wife leave him for someone she met while surfing on the net. We needed to keep away from the Internet and stay focused. Satan wanted us to be distracted and confused. Privately, I thought he wasn’t the only one.
That Carrot on a Stick
"Successful people will always do what losers refuse to do."
- Amway Crown Ambassador Birdie Yager
·Some time after we got back from a Go Diamond meeting, Zack called a Directs’ meeting. At this meeting, he advised that his attorney had reviewed the Business Support Materials Arbitration Agreement and that we all had to sign it to protect ourselves. He advised that it was put in place to protect us if some stupid distributor wanted to file suit against us for selling him tools. Kathy and I ignored the agreement, even though Kerry asked us about it a couple times. I did not want to sign it! It appeared we were giving up or limiting our legal rights. We would never use this for any reason, but I did not like being forced into giving up rights in a business that proclaimed freedom for its members. It seemed to be a contradiction to me.
We thought the issue would just fade away, but it did not. One day Kerry called us and gave us an ultimatum. He had spoken with Zack, and Zack had told him that anyone who buys any tools must sign this form. There were no other options. Kerry advised that Zack had given him specific instructions for us. We were to be told that we would not be allowed to pick up our Amway products, books, tape-of-the-week, or other support materials for our organization that week unless we came over with a signed BSMAA form. This represented a gun to my head. Tools were the life-blood of our business. Not to get tape-of-the-week to your organization would mean near instant destruction. Our entire organization had been taught that there was a zero percent success rate outside of the system (meaning not listening to tapes); yet we were going to be cut off from this support system totally if we did not comply. Additionally, we would completely fall from grace from Zack’s viewpoint, and that, too, would spell destruction for our business. No one, I mean no one, challenged him or his authority. I was fearful of him. I did not know what Zack was capable of. We had no choice but to relent or lose everything. We never thought we would sue anyone, particularly our upline partners. It was just the mere fact that a right was being forcibly stripped from us.
That happened at a time when more and more hostile information was being posted on the Internet. We began to get many questions on the tool business. Prospects would tell us they had researched it and found the Diamonds made their money off the tapes and seminars. How ridiculous! We checked upline to see how to handle these issues and were told that the tapes and seminars were done at cost. At times, there was actually a loss on some functions, and the Diamond would absorb it. If there was a surplus, it was held to absorb any future losses. We were lucky that our upline Diamonds were willing to invest so much for our success without a guarantee of a return. Crown Ambassador Birdie Yager assured distributor leaders in a large public meeting that her and Dexter make no money off the tools and never have. I had seen the copies of big Amway checks that both Dexter and Zack showed. We could even order copies of a set of Zack’s Amway bonus checks to use as a promotional tool. The small tool discount Kathy and I were given did not even cover our expenses, so we had no reason to think that the information we received about the tool business was not true.
I continued to build our group toward Diamond, but something was terribly wrong. I had so many bottled-up questions from our financial reality that it felt like a cancer was eating my life away. I was absolutely miserable and missed Kathy so much when I was gone. She was unhappy as well, but we could never talk about our feelings. I had let her down miserably. I felt like an utter failure in every sense. I had, however, no time for a pity party and had to ‘gut it up’ and get Diamond done. Kathy was fading from the stress. We both felt like phonies. I did not know how long we could hack it, living like this. We were near the end of our rope. I read the books and listened to all the tapes. I prayed and cried in frustration. We had to succeed, not only for us but also for the large number of our closest friends that were counting on us to lead the way.
We received word that the Philippines were going to open up. The word went out to our group to discover who had contacts over there. We had a growing group of medical professionals in the Philadelphia and Western New Jersey area that were from the Philippines. Four leaders in our group, counting myself, had significant contacts. We each decided after counseling with Zack to go, to kick off The Business. We would all share in 25% of the cost of each trip.
Kerry and Chris called and reported that their direct sponsor above them, Larry, decided he wanted to get in on this action and gave us money to buy a Philippine Amway kits for him. They insisted that we put them above us in the line of sponsorship there. They were to be sponsored by Zack, and all of them would be in the line of sponsorship above us, even though they never planned to go to the Philippines and build The Business. This was a violation of Amway’s rule of conduct for international business. Larry also refused to chip in and share the cost for any of the four initial trips. They insisted we take care of their businesses as a courtesy. We did it just to keep the peace.
I left on my trip and flew from Philadelphia to Chicago to Japan and then over to the Philippines. It was a very long trip. It was a little scary, because I did not know a single person in this country by sight. I got off the plane, found my luggage, and proceeded to a crowded area near the street. I was surprised to see military personnel there on duty with machine guns. It was late at night and very hot. At first, I could not locate the driver who was to meet me with a sign with my name on it. We finally met, and he drove me to a cheap motel outside of Manila. I was very fearful for my life, as everything in this area had steel bars on the windows and doors. I hoped and prayed that nothing would happen to me. Since our credit was shot, I only had a Visa debit card and actually only had $54 in that account. I was scheduled to do meetings on several southern islands, in the business district of Makati, and in a town two hours to the north. I had just enough money to cover the flights and boat rides to each.
My trip to one island was eventful. I was invited to stay with a wonderful family. They did not have running water, and I bathed out of a large bucket in the morning. I did meetings throughout that island in homes and in a school building with the aide of an interpreter. With his help, I also learned parts of the two Philippine dialects, in order to greet people in their own language. This small show of respect opened many doors.
A feast was prepared for me, consisting of many types of seafood, including raw clams and a delicacy named balut. I loved the seafood and could do the raw clams, but the balut was a challenge. I finally managed to get it down, because showing others honor and respect is of universal importance. Balut may have been a test of my sincerity. It was a duck egg that was taken from the nest a few days before it hatched and then boiled. A small hole is broken in the top and salt is placed around the opening. When you look in, you saw a jelly-like little duck looking up at you, while the bottom two-thirds of the egg looked like pure yolk. I took a deep breath and realized just how badly I wanted to be a Diamond as I swallowed my balut, nearly whole, to the cheers of the group present. I was accepted as a friend from that point on.
I made my way, by boat and plane back to Manila and was met by a guide that I hired to take me to a small town called Tarlac, about two hours to the north. There we met a very influential businessman who had invited about 45 people to his home for a meeting. His home was too small for this crowd, so we went to his backyard. The heat was blistering for me but average for the local folks. I stood in the shade of a garage and spoke through an interpreter to the group—mostly women. It was clear that they were not getting the message or did not yet relate at all to me. I was hot and getting frustrated at my inability to connect with them. At last, I had a brainstorm and told them if they built this business, they would have enough money to buy more shoes than Imelda Marcos. Once the translator repeated what I had said, they laughed hysterically, and we finally connected. I actually sponsored quite a few of these women. All this public speaking had sharpened my ability to think on my feet. Once again, I felt good about what I was doing, but my celebration was bittersweet, as I spent Easter alone in my hotel a world apart from Kathy and our children.
The next day I returned to Manila, carrying a sign with my name on it, to meet people at a posh downtown hotel lobby. This was where the Yager organization was putting on large open meetings. Outside of the open meeting room was a set of very large tables covered with books and tapes to teach these people how to become successful. I went into another office-type room where each of Dexter’s major Diamonds had a table to sign up new distributors. I met and sponsored my contact there. At the time, I did not know it, but in the same room was a woman named Ruth Carter. She would later play a very large role in the process of opening my eyes to some huge problems in The Business to which I had dedicated my life. She was there from her home in Florida as an employee of a Yager Diamond, helping to run his organization, as it expanded into this area.
In somewhat the same time frame, our organization was expanding into Europe. This came about from two distributors in our group who had contacts overseas. One was a Direct, an eye surgeon. The other was a successful, travel agency owner. They had contacts in multiple countries, all of which sounded great. Here we were with a business that had grown from regional to national to global. And yet, Kathy’s and my net income as Emeralds hovered near or below $30,000. After taxes, we were near the poverty level for a family of five.
We did not speak negative to each other about The Business, but we did find relief in venting to one another about the near insane acts of members of our upline. The rest of the disappointments, we both just internalized. I kept repeating to Kathy what I believed to be true. "We’re almost there, honey. Please trust me, please believe in me." She did, and her faith kept me going. Once when I was away, she helped each of the kids put together a little picture book of their drawings. They had misspelled titles, in crayon and marker like ‘Why we are going Dimond,’ and they had pictures drawn of a nice home with a pool and other things we promised them as Diamond kids. They had been reading the system book Just Wait Til We’re Diamond and knew what to expect. Those pictures melted my heart and drove me to a more frenzied pace.
If I could just get past the roadblocks I was facing. I had secretly read Anthony Robbins books and found within them some powerful tools to focus and motivate myself on a daily basis. These books were taboo, and I could never tell anyone in the group about them, because they were not on the approved list of books that had to be ordered upline. Zack explained to me once that not all books that are positive are ‘good’ books. He and Dexter had the experience to sort out which would be helpful and which would not. If we had distributors just going to the bookstores and picking up books at random, we would have confusion, which would automatically stop growth…
We received a mailing from the Anthony Robbins organization for an executive sales training seminar he was holding a few hours away in Philadelphia. I felt I had to go, but I had to do it secretly, because this information was outside of the system. I drove down myself with the hope and prayer that this would give me the break I needed to get out of this living hell of growing debt and so little family life. Going Diamond was the only way out, and it had to happen now. I checked into the seminar and was terrified, because I had to sign a release form. The event was being filmed to promote Anthony’s products on one of the home shopping channels. I might be recognized by thousands and would be spotted immediately if the camera panned by me. I decided to take the chance and went in.
One of the habits trained into me from The Business was that of getting to meetings first and leaving last. I was there very early and waited by the door to get in and get a good seat. I met an energetic, ambitious woman named Elena that I was immediately drawn to. Elena had a radiant personality. She told me that she and her husband, Dick, lived in New Jersey and owned insurance agencies and a Scuba store that she managed. Apparently, Dick, Elena, and their teen-aged children were avid scuba divers, and Dick was also a private pilot. It was invigorating to meet someone so full of life and adventure.
We took seats with some other people we had met and sat in awe as Anthony Robbins captivated the audience. I was now a public speaker and had attended seminars and listened to literally hundreds of motivational and business speakers. He was in a class by himself. He was, by far, the most gifted teacher and communicator I had ever heard. His approach was far deeper than a motivational quick fix that would wear off. His approach was to share strategies that would create lasting change. He did not come off as some sort of guru but simply as a person who had made dramatic changes in his own life and in the lives of many others. The crowd was mesmerized as he entertained, motivated, taught, and challenged us.
It was a life-changing event. I kept in touch with Elena and later invited her to a ‘business seminar’ I was presenting not too far from where they lived. I met Dick and he was as pleasant and full of life as Elena. They were very successful people, but you would never know from their humble demeanor. The open meeting they attended in a large hotel went well, and I really did a good job, even if I say so myself. Since the Anthony Robbins seminar, I was able to project with more energy and better entertain a crowd, as I went over principles of success in the plan. When it was over, I booked time to meet with Dick and Elena at their scuba store in New Jersey. It was well over a three-hour trip, but one that I would make frequently down and back in a night for months to come.
Their children, Malena and Jarrett, were college age and were as charismatic and outgoing as their mom and dad. They had one of the greatest family relationships I have ever witnessed. They all entered The Business, and I ended up showing the plan for them as far away as Arizona. We started to do more and more meetings for them. In one meeting, I showed the plan to a computer consultant. He was a sharp guy and was very much interested in The Business. I was supposed to go back in two days to help him get started. Dick called me the next day and sounded concerned. The computer consultant had gone online and claimed that Amway had been involved in fraud in Canada. He also brought up the issue of the Diamonds making most of their income from seminars and the sale of books and tapes, not Amway. He even mentioned the cult issue but said that it sounded silly to him also.
I went online and found Sidney Schwartz’ web site as well as Ashley Wilkes’ web site. They made my blood boil with their stupid claims of cultism and other non-issues. I had been trained thoroughly and was an expert at explaining away and minimizing these issues. We lost the computer consultant, but Dick and Elena stayed in, because they trusted me implicitly. However, since Dick was a level-headed businessman, his sincere concern gave me reason to think twice.
I started to go to the web sites and read negative, hostile information about The Business. It made me start to doubt and have negative thoughts. I began to feel some panic but managed to block it all out. I was unable to discern what was at the core of my feelings. I had developed enough control that I automatically blocked all negative thoughts. However, the negative evidence was so overwhelming that at times it felt as though an unspecified darkness was overcoming me that I could not identify or control.
I had sponsored a single man named Chris and two couples.* We were working towards Diamond, and our business was becoming more profitable. One of the couples, named Dave and Eileen, were doing well, and he sponsored five people almost immediately. We quickly became like brothers and had a great time together. They began growing quickly. We had sponsored another really nice couple named Tim and Linda. They were a Christian couple with twin girls. He was a graphic designer and was very gifted at what he did. At times, he would do a newsletter for us to make it look professional. We received a hand-drawn newsletter from Kerry and Chris that contained multiple misspelled words and a stick figure drawing to promote some meeting for our group. I would not pass this down to our organization, which now had many professionals in it. I did not want to start a power struggle and did not say anything to Kerry and Chris. I just faxed it to Tim, he made a professional piece with the exact same information on it, and we sent it to the group.
One of our Directs, who had been enlisted to spy on us, had received a copy of the original hand-drawn version directly from Kerry. He immediately reported the change. We were told never to do this again. Next, Kerry and Chris got our Directs’ fax numbers and began sending newsletters directly to them to make certain we would not take it upon ourselves to make them look professional. This was showing signs of insanity. We were working like animals in what we thought was our own business. How could it be that near the pinnacle of so-called success, we did not have the authority to send a grammatically correct newsletter to the organization that we drove and flew hundreds of thousands of miles to build? I thought we owned our own business.
I could not comprehend what was happening. We went to an Emerald meeting and found out that I had been spotted when I attended the Anthony Robbins Seminar. Zack started his talk by saying, "You know you are off track if you are looking for answers outside of the system. If you are, your mind is not right, and you will find it nearly impossible to succeed. Maybe you know more than Dexter. Let’s say, for example, you go to an Anthony Robbins seminar… You are teaching your group to be confused, because all the Diamonds feel that the Yager system is the sole key to their success. You might be a broke guy with ideas. Diamonds have experience and wealth to back it up. Don’t be stupid and confuse your group."
His warning came too late. I was slowly coming out of the system-induced coma that I had been in for years. Zack was revealing his true colors more and more. I was beginning to think he was not the warm, loving Christian mentor I had once believed him to be. He was looking more and more like an angry little tyrant. I still was extremely conflicted, and part of me actually felt bad for going to the Anthony Robbins seminar and setting a wrong example.
Something in my spirit had died. I struggled to go through the motions of The Business. A complete blanket of darkness had overtaken me. I could not see it, but I could feel it, and it was like a lead coat of arms that I could not take off. I was absolutely physically and emotionally drained. I began to suffer chronic nightmares and crying jags. I still went through the motions of The Business but in a near catatonic state. Once I got in my car to go to Dick and Elena’s, and Kathy came to the car to see me off. Tears were silently streaming down my face, and I did not even know why. She asked me what was wrong, and I did not even know. I just drove off. She had to be thinking that I was losing my mind. I knew I was having trouble holding it together.
Negative thoughts were invading my mind, even though I knew how deadly this could be to our future. This was insane. We were closer to Diamond now than we ever had been. We were moving Amway starter kits in six legs now. Our income was slowly coming up. We were buried in a deep sea of debt, but we were now making payments to the IRS to keep them from filing a lien on our home. Now we had three mortgages. The IRS eventually filed a lien, and we had four liens against our home now. The seminars depressed me, as I still perceived that something was very wrong, but I continued to unconsciously block it out. It almost seemed as if there were two of me arguing constantly in my thoughts. It was a draining process. I spaced out on Kathy and the kids every day. I would hear them question me, "Daddy, why do we have to ask you something four times before you hear us?" Kathy got used to saying "Earth to John, come in John," to snap me out of the psychological daze. Something was very wrong with me.
I continued in an emotional stupor to build The Business but felt almost sick most of the time. I lost my appetite and about ten pounds in short order. There was an enormous conflict going on within me that I did not understand. Those leaders in our organization who knew me very well could sense something was wrong. They would, however, not mention it because to question upline was inappropriate. I used to be the kind of strong person who could not tolerate fear in myself, but now I was riddled with fears.
When I was in my early twenties, I had a low self-esteem and was generally fearful. So I pushed myself into situations where I had to confront and overcome my fears. This is one reason that I had gone into the Marine Corps Officer Training program. It was very, very tough, but I made it. For the same reason, I took up skydiving. I hated the fact that it terrified me. It took me making 54 jumps until it did not scare the heck out of me. I continued skydiving from as high as 10,000 feet until I had just under 100 jumps in. It was great fun once you passed the fear barrier. Once the irrational level of fear was gone, there was no better feeling than jumping out and in ten seconds hitting terminal velocity of 120 mph.
I learned to hang glide in California and rock climbed and rappelled down cliff faces in Pennsylvania. I had a motorcycle and drove it faster than anyone with any common sense. I tell you all this not to blow my own trumpet but to give you a reference point. I was used to overcoming any fear, but now I was scared to death, completely terrified by the darkness that engulfed me. The terror was inside of me. It was part of me, like a cancer. I went to sleep in fear and woke up in a panicked state. There was literally no rest or escape from whatever was beginning to happen.
Prior to this, I had become confident, decisive and could think quickly on my feet on stage before audiences of thousands. I was now having trouble, struggling with the most minor decisions. Deciding what to wear or eat now took a long time. I was very confused and was experiencing difficulty in even maintaining a consistent flow of logical thinking. What was most disturbing was the fact that I was fully cognizant of how unglued I was becoming psychologically—but I was powerless to stop this downward spiral.
I was still building The Business and could mask my problems from those that did not know me well. One day Tim, the graphic designer, called and was enraged. I had been working with him to develop his organization. We were like brothers, so I was taken off guard by his tirade. From what I could gather, he was "disgusted with me and the fact that I called myself a Christian brother." He told me that he was fully aware of the whole Brig Hart situation. I did not know what he was talking about, but he did not believe me. He yelled at me, saying that he was fully aware of the whole tool income situation and was quitting. I told him about the small tool break that we received as Emeralds, and he acknowledged that it did not even cover the cost of multiple trips that I had made to Maine to show the plan for him. In any event, he said that the whole "Brig Hart’ issue blew him out (Amway slang for someone leaving the organization), and if I was sincerely not aware of it, I needed to go online. Then he just hung up on me.
I couldn’t believe it. How pathetic! He was going to flush his whole future based upon some trash on the Internet, posted by someone he would never know. This forced me to go and turn my computer on and do a search under Brig’s name. I needed to get some information to do damage control to shut him up, so he wouldn’t go and blow other good people out of The Business. I knew of Brig Hart only in that he was a very charismatic, former hippie surfer from Jacksonville, Florida, who had turned multi-millionaire Amway Double Diamond. I did research and found information regarding a lawsuit over tool money between Brig and Lita Hart, Dexter Yager, Internet Services Corp and a host of other Amway Diamonds. The suit was case number 97-349-CIV-J-20B and was filed in the Jacksonville Division of the Middle District Court on April 8, 1997.
It was quite a lengthy document and provided a lot of information that I was not yet able to comprehend. The suit alleged that other Amway Diamonds had conspired and circumvented Brig and Lita Hart and had cut them out of the tool and seminar income generated by their organization. Specifically, the lawsuit alleged that Dexter Yager and other defendants had violated racketeering (RICO) laws and stated:
Plaintiffs have been injured and continue to be injured in their business and property -- both in their Amway business and in their Amway-related business support materials distribution business—by reason of the Distributor Defendants' foregoing pattern of racketeering activity in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 1962(c) in an amount exceeding $50,000,000.00. Plaintiffs are entitled to recover this sum, additional damages proven at trial of this matter, treble the amount of these damages, plus costs, interest and reasonable attorneys' fees from the Distributor Defendants for their RICO violations.2
This was incredibly confusing. Kathy and I had been told all along that the tool business was run essentially at cost and was simply a training system used to support growth in the Amway business. Can you imagine, that a single Diamond-level distributor, who only had part of his tool income taken from him, alleged the actual amount of damages, excluding punitive damages sought, exceeded $50,000,000. Now this was totally confusing to me. The lawsuit also revealed the alleged magnitude of Dexter Yager’s tool business that operated under the Internet Services Corporate name. The suit charged the following:
Yager derives a substantial portion of his income from the sale of business support materials down the lines of distribution in the Amway Network. On information and belief, over 70% of Yager's Amway-related income is derived from the sale of business support materials, constituting $40,000,000.00 per year in gross income.3
The Truth will Set You Free
"We are the number one opportunity. Folks, we’ve got … I bet we got about 60 corporations now, international.. around the world and domestically. And it takes a lot of business investment, income investment to get those things started. But guess what the best business investment that we have ever made in our history? This Amway business. Why does Dexter Yager spend 100% of his time in this Amway business with as much money as he’s got? Cause it’s still the best opportunity out there that we have seen."*
- Jeff Yager (son of Dexter & Birdie)
There were a large number of distributor lawsuits and other disturbing information on Sidney Schwartz’s web site called "Amway the Untold Story." I was neither shocked nor outraged. I did not read any more information and shut my computer off and blocked out the negative. I knew at my core that this was not true!
I called Tim back and gave him the standard song and dance about there being no profit in the tool business and explained that even Diamonds could get screwed up and do crazy things. I did not know why Brig did this. I downplayed and minimized the situation, as I had been trained to do, but I was unable to turn Tim around. He was still not comfortable with The Business. We parted on friendly terms, but I thought he was stupid, just throwing his future away. At least, he was going to go away quietly. That was all that mattered. At least, I handled it well enough to assure that he would do no harm to the organization.
Kerry happened to call for some reason, and we had a long talk. We were on the phone for about fifteen minutes as I explained the situation to him. He was sympathetic, and I felt proud that I handled it as a Diamond would. Diamonds don’t get upset over challenges or about distributors that quit. They just solve challenges, forget the "losers" and move on. At one Directs’ meeting, a Diamond told the group of leaders to stop licking their wounds and worrying about people that quit. He said we needed to learn to "bury the dead."4
I spoke with Kerry about another issue. He was calling a training session at the local Quality Inn and our entire group had to attend. He informed me that we were to charge $10 a couple. I felt we were bleeding the group to death with meetings like this. This would create a profit of nearly $500 that he would keep. I had spoken with Zack about how to price these meetings, and Zack suggested that we charge just enough to cover the cost. We were never to use our group as an income source. Dexter had made a similar comment at an Emerald meeting and warned us not to have meetings just to create income. I shared this with Kerry in a non-threatening way. He shot back a response that this was ‘policy’ and would not be changed. I was bringing around 95% of the distributors that would be coming and told him that if he was going to rape the group for money, we would not be attending. Surprisingly, he seemed to take it well, and he said he would think about it.
I remember commenting on this conversation to Kathy. Kerry and I would never be friends, but he had acted genuinely human to me. I had no way of knowing that this conversation would precipitate an oncoming holocaust for us. Everything seemed "normal." Despite the very serious financial and psychological challenges I was facing, we continued to move kits and push forward to Diamond. We were tired, discouraged, and hurt but not defeated. We prepared for an Emerald and Diamond meeting that we were to have with Zack.
As Kerry seemed to report our every action to Zack, we had hoped that we might once again be in good favor after handling the Brig Hart issue so well. We had made it a non-issue. For the first time in a while, we were not fearful to be seeing Zack. We felt as if we had redeemed ourselves by handling things well and continuing to grow. Zack and Molly came in and were, as usual, greeted like royalty. It wasn’t long until we were summoned to an afternoon Emerald and Diamond meeting with Molly, Zack and about twenty of their key leaders. We waited at the hotel banquet room until Molly and Zach arrived fashionably late. They spoke to most of the leaders in the room, and we settled down for our meal. Someone asked a blessing, and we had a nice lunch.
Another Diamond collected a large amount of money from us all to pay for our meals, the room, and Zack and Molly’s meal. This was customary, as it would be disrespectful for them to have any cost while they were there to give so much to us. We were reminded again and again that we could not afford their time if they billed us for it. On many occasions, Zack would remind us that he pays more taxes in a week than he used to make for a year as a teacher. We still felt truly fortunate that at his level of wealth, he would continue to spend time helping us.
Someone introduced Zack with gratitude, and we greeted him with loud hoots and applause. He talked about a few minor details and then launched into the most vicious verbal attack we had ever witnessed. He opened the topic by telling us that anyone who was on the Internet researching negative "crap" about Amway was really screwed up. You would have to be some sort of "Satan-possessed, freaking moron" to be doing something like that. He went on for some time about allowing Satan to control your mind and do great evil. Zack was normally in total control, but he was going over the edge with this talk. We still were oblivious to what was really going on, but we began to get the idea. He said for instance, "you are on the Internet researching negative crap about Amway, and you find information about, Brig Hart, for example." Kathy and I were horrified, as we realized that I was the person he was referring to as the "Satan-possessed, freaking moron."
The tirade became increasingly more venomous, and the group listened in a stunned silence, wondering who the moron was. The verbal attack became so vicious that tears welled up in Molly’s eyes. We all sat paralyzed in silent fear. I was afraid he was going to point me out to all present. He explained the Brig Hart situation by saying that Brig was listening to some "stupid attorney" instead of his upline. The "dumb attorney" gave him "stupid advice", and he sued his upline over nothing. He must have lost his mind, but he has since realized the error of his ways, because he sent a formal letter of apology to every member of his upline and dropped the whole thing.
This was the biggest line of hogwash I had ever heard. Brig was a very astute, wealthy Double Diamond with hundreds of thousands of people in his organization. There was no more information on the suit online, so it was most likely settled out of court. You do not get ripped off for $50,000,000 and then apologize to the people who stole it from you. I knew intuitively that Zack had probably just lied to every one of his leaders and put enough fear in them that they would never check the facts. Was he now becoming a very evil person, or had I just been blind to his dark side before?
This verbal rampage went on for half an hour. The group present did not make a sound. Kerry was taking notes and sheepishly looked at me as if he did not know what was going on. I saw him as a pathetic coward. He would never have the courage to honestly talk to me about issues. No, instead he would agree to my face and then run to Zack with things like this to prove he was the most loyal. Zack finally concluded his tirade by saying that Brig did not have the guts to show up at Amway’s annual Diamond Club in Hawaii and that it was a good thing, "for his sake," that he did not. What did he think they were going to do to him, break his knees? This was starting to sound like the Mafia and was getting increasingly bizarre.
The next half hour became far worse. Zack began to talk about anyone that spent time worrying about or questioning the income that their upline was making. We did not know where he was going with this, and we were still reeling in shock from the first beating. He then used the example of a person who was worried about what his upline was going to make off a training session. He used biblical references to explain ‘envy.’ Envy comes from Satan. If you envied what your upline was making, you were teaching your group to envy you. Did you want to teach God’s principles or Satan’s to your group? If you did not want to go to a meeting because you were worried about what your upline was making, then you should not go – "you freaking moron!" Zack was now talking with utter disgust.
The group of leaders present sat in a stunned, total silence at what just happened. We had never heard him refer to anyone as a freaking moron, let alone one of us. I looked nervously at my watch. This verbal whipping lasted almost exactly one hour. Zack then praised anyone that would bring situations of this nature to his attention. Kerry had just been rewarded for spying on us by being noted as the most loyal. This was a strange situation, because Kerry had almost no one left in his group other than us. Loyalty was obviously more important than any other virtues, such as salesmanship or business ability or even good people skills. Total, complete, and unquestioning loyalty seemed to be more important than serving your organization and succeeding for your family’s sake. The group was then admonished to report any other negative speech or actions of other leaders to him immediately. This was for the benefit of the whole group. He did not want one "off track nut" hurting the whole organization and the future of thousands. Zack was dumb-founded as to how "some people" could be so incredibly stupid. We all needed to read more, pray more, and listen to more tapes to keep our minds right.
That was more crushing than I can ever express. Zack had become my surrogate father. He was a man I wanted to emulate; I wanted him to be proud of me. He had been a real-life hero to me and to our children. I was having trouble ignoring the contradictions in his behavior, though. I was also having a very difficult time processing the information I now possessed.
The rest of the meeting followed the usual format, as we planned out topics for the next seminar where we would each speak as Emeralds and Diamonds. There were many seminars in his organization on the same Saturday, so Kathy and I would speak at as many as three in one day. We were not paid, because we were fortunate to be asked to serve the group and have other speakers speak to our people. There were thousands of people at these seminars who were paying anywhere from $12-400 to attend these monthly functions. Then there were the two tapes of the week for $13.20, the video-of-the-month, and the book-of-the-month, in addition to other training sessions. Zack had told us that he had over 100,000 distributors in his group. (You do the math…) I was beginning to put it all together. Tim may have been right. Zack was making money off the books, tapes and seminars. No, he couldn’t be doing that! He had told us that there were many expenses and losses involved. But it could not be true. I knew it was not possible. Or was it?
I glanced over at our Emeralds, Rick and Paula, and they were in a total state of disbelief as to what we had all just witnessed. The meeting closed, and Zack walked directly to me. My heart was racing not knowing what he was about to do. He shook my hand, greeted us warmly, told us he loved Kathy and me, and that he knew this would be our Diamond year. This knocked me so far off balance that I was unable to think clearly. I felt like circuits were blowing in my mind. Rick, Paula, Kathy and I walked in a silent fog to our cars and drove without speaking. Something was very, very wrong here. On the way home, I knew that Kathy was as unhappy as I was, but we could not communicate negative at this level, yet. We were silently enraged over Kerry’s pathetic, childish tattling on us.
We had the training session, and the group was taken advantage of by having $10 a couple extracted from them. I was unable to protect the people I loved the most from being bled dry for a seemingly unending number of constant, mandatory meetings. We had so many of those meetings, training sessions, seminars, leadership meetings, Artistry sessions, men’s meetings, full weekend and week-long travel seminars that it was difficult to find time to build The Business. We were perplexed beyond belief, but as incredulous as it sounds, we believed that we still had to forge on to Diamond. We were not yet capable of either rational or free thought.
Actually, we no longer had the ability to reason. Lacking this capacity, I still believed this was a good business. We must just be dealing with a few bad apples. Once we went Diamond, we could run our own organization and treat people with compassion, integrity, and a servant’s heart. Once we became Diamonds, Zack would understand that we had always been truly loyal—not only to him, but also to the virtues on which The Business was founded. He would know he could trust us. More than ever, we had to get the job done. Kathy continued to take care of all the details of our home, our children and her husband, who now suffered near catatonic episodes.
I moved about in a fearful, confused fog. I listened to more tapes to get my attitude turned back on the right track. I tried to go through the motions but could not fake it any longer. Everything I had believed in seemed to be falling apart. However, my brain was programmed to believe I was at fault. Something must be wrong with me.
I avoided Dick and Elena and the other people I was working with personally. I could not afford for them to see me down or depressed. A leader never gets down. A leader leads, and yet, I was unable to lead. I went from being a strong, confident leader and encourager to a shadow of a man, afraid even to answer the phone. Kathy and I felt trapped.
We had brought thousands into our organization and needed to succeed for their sake as well as our own. We were trapped with an upline that seemed bent on destroying us if we showed even the slightest appearance of disloyalty. We had been branded as disloyal and negative and so had lost face with Zack. We were doomed. It took a supreme effort for me to keep the darkness at bay. It was killing me. I was tormented continually by my own conflicting thoughts. I tried to shut out the negative thoughts, but I struggled more and more, because on some level or other, it was starting to sink in that the negative thoughts might very well be the truth. That concept was more horrifying than any other, because an entire decade of my life would have been lost to a manipulative system that ate people like me alive.
"It’s not about ego. It’s serving other people. That’s what Dexter is all about. Serving your fellow man…."
- Amway Crown Jody Victor
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