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| Amway
/ Quixtar's Finest Fake News
Source Nov 6, 2005 |
Quixtar's Director of Misinformation
Announces 2005 Results
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| Ada, Michigan (APP) - Quixtar's director
of misinformation, Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf otherwise known as "Baghdad Bob",
announced Quixtar's 2005 business results in a press conference today in Ada, Michigan. |
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Al-Sahaf gleefully announced Quixtar's financial results for the 2005
fiscal year, which ended Aug. 31, 2005. "Sales were $1.058 billion -- the third
consecutive year over a billion dollars. Also, IBO efforts resulted in a record $76
million in revenues for Quixtar's Partner Stores. For their marketing and
business-building efforts, IBOs earned $345 million in bonuses and other incentives.
woohoo!. It was a great year!", noted Baghdad Bob.
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| Critics were quick to make a critical
analysis of Quixtar's performance. A closer look at the results showed that Quixtar
sales actually fell 3.8% over 2004, despite having price increases in the product line and
despite recruiting over 150,000 new distributors. Pay outs to distributors
dropped 7.5% from $373 to $345 million. Commissions as a percentage of sales fell
from 31.9% to 30.4% of sales. Partner store sales were at $76 million or only 8.5%
from the year 2000 results of $70 or just a 1.7% annual growth rate. Taking into
account inflation, real partner store sales are probably lower than those of 2000. Despite the disappointing results, Baghdad Bob's famous bubbling optimism
shows through with his final statement, "Personally, I think the best is yet to
come. It's hard not to when there's so much cool stuff going on here at
Quixtar. New programs. New products. New ideas. It's never been
better." |
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