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Business - APP (Amway Parody Press)
Cloned Business Proclaimed a Success
Mon Dec 30,12:41 PM ET
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By Scott Larsen

ADA, MI (Amway Parody Press) - Business leaders joined ranks with scientists this weekend to pour over claims by a company set up by an obscure free fnterprise cult - "the American Way" - that it had produced the first clone of a multi-million dollar corporation.

Amway Parody Press Photo
Claude Rael

Many experts agree that this is indeed the world's first cloned business. The cloning took place over three years ago. The key genetic information of the North American Amway business, composed of the various lines of sponsorship and the Amway compensation plan, were successfully implanted in new a business called "Quixtar".

"This was not true cloning but a subset of cloning called "transmutational cloning", noted the famous human cloner, Claude Rael, seen here holding a box of Amway's flagship product: SA-8 laundry detergent.

"In scientific terms, what Alticor did was to transfer the key genetic information (characteristics) as well as several hundred thousand "stem cells" (IBOs) to the new organism", noted Rael. He said that, "a true cloning", would have not needed to transfer the stem cells".

"The transfer of the stem cells (IBOs) was a necessity to give the new business a jump start", noted Quixtar's managing director, Ronald McDonald. "Technically, we needed to get the clone company running before the old company died off, or we would have had nothing to work with", noted Rael. Rael said, "the procedure had a 95% probability of success by using the donor stem cells". "If we had to start from scratch we would not have had a chance", noted Rael.

The announcement of the successful cloning was made Friday by Quixtar's McDonald. McDonald said, "We were hesitant to immediately announce the cloning process a success in the first few years". "It takes time to know if the genetic information was transferred undamaged", noted McDonald. "Since the the organization is again growing and it has been three years since the transmutation started, we finally decided to tell the world of the first successful "business cloning". McDonald said "We can prove without a doubt Quixtar is a clone of Amway. He said, "we will finally put to rest the silly claim by all our detractors that - Quixtar is really Amway'". "They are two different entities".

As the Quixtar organization has reproduced itself over the past three years, the newer parts of the organization vehemently deny their business's genetic roots in Amway. This appears to be a immune system response that was not planned for in the original thinking. "This however won't be a major problem", noted Rael.

Brigitte Boisselier, chief executive of the cult's business advisor company, Clonaid, told a news conference in Hollywood, Florida, the new company, called Quixtar, was born to the Alticor company after being cloned from parts of the 40-year-old Amway business.

She said the parent North American organization, which had been suffering declining sales, and whose reputation was in dismal condition, had to be cloned or it would suffer extinction.

Business and cloning experts agree that the new organization, Quixtar, is a definate clone of the former North American Amway business opportunity.

The key genetic makeup (characteristics) are the same. Both businesses have the same "sweet 16" core products, the same compensation plan, the same rules, and the same lines of sponsorship. Most of the "Amway stem cells" are now gone but like any organism, the actual cells die off and are replaced by new cells. Any new organism will adapt to its environment, so it is no surprise that product ordering can be now done on the Internet, which could not be done in the old Amway organization.

Brigitte Boisselier, chief executive of Clonaid, noted that cloning is also being considered for other reputation scared companies such as Enron, Arthur Anderson, and Worldcomm.

Already the Christian Coalition of America has endorsed the business cloning and sees no "moral or ethical issues". "The Britt and Yager organizations in Amway were some of our major supporters", noted a CCA representative. "The new business, with the old lines of sponsorship will carry on the tradition of mixing evangelism and business that the Amway business had."



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