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    Amway / Quixtar's Finest Fake News Source            2 July 2005

New Quixtar Boss Announces
"3 to 6 Year Plan"

Diamonds must learn new plan
Ada, Michigan (APP) In news that shocked the Quixtar Lines of Sponsorship, Quixtar's new Boss's first official announcement was the abolition of the deceptive "2 to 5 retirement year plan".    Needless to say the feedback from the IBOA board was at first not positive since the diamonds have been promoting this plan for 20+ years.   

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Mr. Payne makes announcement at "kick-start" dinner

 Mr. Payne announced the plan to the new "kick-start" winners, Amanda and Nate Gileses.   Mr. Payne wanted to make sure the couple did not have unreasonable expectations of retirement given their recent success with the "kick-start" program.  

The Gileses were flown into Ada on the corporate jet, and given a suite at the Amway Grand Hotel, and a tour of Quixtar to celebrate their achievement. 

Mr. Payne gave his reasons for the abolition of the 2 to 5 year plan, and the introduction of the 3 to 6 year plan.     Mr. Payne noted, "this business is all about integrity and we can't have people going around promoting a plan that nobody is achieving."

Payne said, "since Quixtar started, we can count the number of pure Quixtar diamonds on one finger, and its been almost 6 years now.   All the diamonds are still coming from former Amway distributors." "Its time to put a little honesty and reasonable expectations in the plan now.   Now that I'm the new boss, I'm going to change a few things around here."

The new 3 to 6 year plan is hoped to temper distributor's expectations and help Quixtar to keep distributors in the business just a little bit longer before they quit.   Quixtar found that a large percentage of distributors quit just after 2 years.  "We figure people were leaving after two years because their expectations of retiring with unlimited time and money in just two years were not being fulfilled with the aggressive 2 to 5 year plan", noted Payne.  "With the 3 to 6 year plan, we have tempered people's expectations an additional 50%."  Payne noted, "remember, this is not a get rich scheme."

"With the 3 to 6 year plan, we can get more people to hang on at least one more year before they quit and  realize they will never retire with unlimited money."  "If we can extend the average time one more year before a distributor quits, we could maybe increase sales 35% and even reach the peak sales level Amway North America had in 1997", noted Payne.    "If we could do that, then Dougy is going to give me a big fat bonus for the year", said Payne. 

Payne had to convince the lines of sponsorship that the 3 to 6 year plan was also in their best interests.   Payne explained to them that "most distributors are not maximizing their ability to write off losses on their taxes if they leave in just two years."   Payne said, "the IRS allows at least three consecutive years of losses, before they start to question the deduction of Quixtar losses to offset a distributor's JOB income.   "So, we need to help distributors see they can at least go one more year, if nothing else for the benefit of the tax write off".   

"Any vampire knows that they can't keep sucking blood from a dead victim, it runs out eventually.  Live ones keep making more blood."   Payne noted as soon as he made this analogy to the King-pin diamonds, then they were all for the new 3 to 6 year plan.  Since the majority of distributor's losses come from the line of sponsorship systems of functions, tapes, books, and CDs, the King-pin diamonds finally caught on that the longer distributors are buying the systems, the more money they will make.