Marriages

Much pro-Amway site visitor feedback details the benefits of Amway to their marriages. Even Diamond distributors recognize that the business can put stress on a marriage.

"So Donna and I had to be in agreement, and that's a big challenge. I mean Donna and I, we had Ama-fight after Ama-fight after Ama-fight, you know, back and forth for the first year in this business. We had a happy marriage until we got in Amway." Diamond Distributors-Kenny and Donna Stewart - Tape: "Develop a Plan of Action" DBR677A

"How many of you are single? It's ok,.. you have a heck of an advantage... You don't even have to argue" Randy Haugen Tape: "Driving Width" SOT 279

Here are a few examples from site visitors.

Hey Scott,

I love your site. All is true. I was ruby in the Britt org. for several years. I saw the light in 1999 and could no longer be part of it. My wife is still very active and is going to be rich any day now... ha-ha. We separated in 2000 and are now in divorce proceedings. She could not stay married to loser who did not love his wife and kids enough to build Quixtar.... We were together for 15 years, got two kids, but chose the business over me. So many people in our own group started having marriage problems after getting in the business. When wives are told their husbands don't love them if Quixtar is not built or told to stop having sex with husbands unless you show so many plans per week or something , bad things can only happen. Now being on the outside looking in, I see how powerful mind control can be. All is clear now and I am moving on in life. Many Quixtar couples are living lives of desperation behind closed doors. Keep putting the word out, you are truly doing a great work giving people the true facts about Quixtar. I hope no one else has to lose what I did before they figure it all out

I think it is great that someone finally got around to exposing the amway/quixtar business venture. My wife was sucked in and spent over $5000 in tapes and trips and makeup etc. But most of all empty promises from our upline. We would have been better off paying interest penalties to the IRS This Quixtar scam almost cost me my marriage.

Ken

Scott,

I only now have finished completely reading your site. Pretty awesome in its thoroughness. Anyway, I've been reading emails from current/former distributors who have found out the truth about the Amway "opportunity" and I'm reminded of a situation within my church that stems from Amway.

My wife and I had often heard it said that the divorce rate in Amway is less than 1/2%, while in the non-Amway world it hovers around 50%. I've watched strained relationships begin to disintegrate from the stresses and pressures put on them by Amway, and more specifically the AMOs. To get to the point, there is a gentleman in our church (approximately 600 regular attendees there) who joined Amway about 2 years ago. He was married to a lovely lady who still sings in the choir. They are, I'm guessing, in their mid-30s. To make a long story a bit shorter (maybe), my wife knows the lady from the women's ministry meetings. She discovered that this couple was splitting up about a year ago. Seems that he was pouring every spare penny they had into tools, functions, and products to move to the next PV bonus bracket. His then wife did not agree with this and informed him that his habits were putting their marriage in jeopardy.

In the long run, they did divorce. He promptly showed up with his new sweetie and she has moved on as well. The point here is this. Their marriage may have been on the rocks without Amway and the AMOs, I don't know. However, it definitely was the pressure to pour money into the AMOs that ultimately did in their marriage. For a business that stresses family and strong marriages, doesn't this seem a bit odd? I don't know his current status in Amway, but I know his ex-wife is considerably happier with her new life now. I'm inclined to believe that his current wife came from Amway. Who knows?!? Just thought you may be interested in another account of how Amway has adversely impacted a life.

Dear Mr. Larsen,

How I wish my husband would read this...he was involved form '88 to '98 and while he was not working it all that time, he still blames himself for not "making it work" because he still thinks it's a great system. He is an avid sportsman and fishes and hunts from April to January a lot, so he did not show the plan like they wanted. But he was a great spender when it came to tools and vitamins and soap...and he would attend allt he functions, too. We married in '94 and I was ready to help build the dream, but quickly learned that I was little more than a bookkeeper and hostess...my dream of working alongside my hubby was dashed from the start when upline "corrected" him about this. IN a few years when I got tired of money that should have paid rent on time and put more than ramen on the table went to books, tapes, and functions, the situation got worse. Upline encouraged Brian to take over the buying and I got a "Counseling session" with the upline direct's wife about supporting my husbands dream. She also wanted to know why I didn't sell the make up and products...well, most of the sales leaders were women who shopped at Nordstroms and the Bon...they also knew women who did. I was doubly frustrated because not only was my circle of friends poorer or tired of AMway, since my hubby didn't show the plan there went a source of customers (taught by the biz..) of ex-prospects. When for the 3rd year in a row we drew up the same name list and I was expected to sell products to friends and family that told me no forcefully the last time I was firm with my husband and demanded that he lay aside his hobbies for the year and build it or we were getting out. He did put effort in, but I was shocked and scared when our upline emerald's wife seemed to be undoing not only our business but our marriage. She hired my husband to do repair work around their new "luxury home" and he would be gone for hours...and she was encouraging him to build a handyman business. I thought , "why is she not telling him to go out and get names for our business?" My husband enjoyed the attention, all right, but not only was i suspicious, but her husband, too. HE made his presence known after a month of all day projects when repair work was being done...and questioned the hours my hubby had claimed to work. Do I think anything happened? I can't say I want to trust my husband when he says no, but I think she was definitely bored and lonely and looking...she got another handyman, and I can't say what will happened after that. I had enough. The months of work and sacrifice were not producing and we stopped buying tapes (and other counseling session..)missed functions (..."are you sure you want to be free?")...and eventually we just "forgot " to renew. My husband blames himself, and I tell him not to. Even the upline in that leg has been in as long or longer than him, and they can't get beyond Emerald...and the way I saw them go direct at all was by suddenly having this room stocked with tapes, books, and product. I suspected what your site has said. I think that there is so much people do not know because of the edification clause (report no negative...or is that hush-hush? I can't tell anymore..)

The only people we talk with now are the couple who we got our products from before they moved away in 97. They are cooled off, but I think they still are distributors. I was glad that their friendship was sincere..too bad the others weren't. My hubby did some more work for our directs a year after we quit, but the pressures to buy a new kit were on and my husband won't even go back for his ladder. I nearly lost my marriage over this...between the upline interfering in our marriage, the lonely upline wife, and the way my husband felt I was destroying our/his dream of early retirement and financial independence. The whole system feels like robbing peter to pay Paul now, and the way it isolates and alternately builds up and tears down people is sad and sick. If I could give my husband one thing it would be to realize that he was lied to by people who used him, and that they were not trying to help him. But that would probably hurt him worse than the self incrimination he feels. Keep up the work, because I feel lucky to have survived.

My wife and I were distributors early in our marriage during what I like to call the "poor" years, and it nearly broke our marriage up, as she was caught up in the socializing aspects and the promise that somehow she would get rich in Amway by simply buying products we didn't need at inflated prices. It took my pointing out that we could afford to have her stay home with our children if she left Amway (more time with the kids by dropping out of Amway!)

Her sister and brother-in-law, our sponsors, are still in Amway and still have that dream, although she had to get a full-time job, they live in a dumpy house in a poor neighborhood, and they drive old cars, while my wife stays home, we have two new cars, and recently bought a house with a pool in a nice neighborhood. Granted, I make more than double what he does (in my J.O.B., no less) but if they weren't in they would have more money to spend on their family.

I'm not a persuasive person, but what is amazing to me is that the facts speak for themselves, but the devoted refuse to listen. No amount of pointing out the fallacies in the system works on those who are dedicated.

Thanks again,

Adam

Scott,

Great site. I was in Amway for about a year between '96-'97. I reached the 1000 PV level after spending about $15,000 that year on system tools, functions, etc.

I knew I had to get out when in a two-week period:

1. My upline went into my brothers house for a meeting and listed all the furniture he could sell to go to functions, buy tapes, etc.

2. My wife and I bought a new car and were scolded because we did not "counsel" with our upline Direct before doing so. We were told that we were messing with his business.

3. My wife and I were told to go counsel with our upline Direct on the appropriate time to start having children.

4. My wife was branded as a "neggie" because at product pickup she complained about downline distributors bouncing checks to us for the 3rd time.

The results of my Amway fiasco:

1. Divorce.

2. Bankruptcy.

3. Laughter from friends and family.

Todd C.

Hi Scott, I am hoping that you can help me or give me advice. My husband was recently bit by the Amway/Quixtar bug in July 2000. I have tallied up all of his expenditures, which is any thing from books, tapes seminars, products from the website, registration and well anything related to the "business" In just three months it has tallied to over $500 I am an at home mom and my husband is the sole provider. We have 2 kids and don't have the money to spend on a "dream" of something that will probably not happen. A man in my husband's upline is the cause of a lot of our problems. Of course my husband doesn't think we as a couple have a problem. He is in so deep already I can't even believe it. Brainwashed that is what it is.

Every time I try to express my feelings about the "business" he gets very defensive. He claims we don't have money to do things as a family but always comes up with the money for his tapes and books and seminars. I don't know how much longer I can handle this I am not one for a divorce. I came from a divorced family and don't want that for my own children but I am so unhappy right now I can't even express how much. Things financially have always been a little tight but now we have the added pressure of this jerk who claims he is my husband's friend adding pressure and strain to our marriage. How do I get my husband to see the light about this business?

He claims that this man doesn't make him buy tapes or go to the seminars but he does recommend it. No joke he recommends it helps put money in his back pocket. Desperate for a way to help my husband see the light. I can't believe as strong of a man as he is that he fell for something so wrong.

Sincerely, J.

I asked a Platinum (my husband's platinum in the World Wide Dreambuilders organization)

How many do you REALLY have to sponsor to be a platinum and how much time a week do you REALLY need to spend (in contrast to the 6-4-2, 1-2 nights a week standard plan)?

He told me that in reality you needed to personally sponsor AT LEAST 75 people and that it would take 6-7 nights a week, at least 2 plans a night!!! To justify his answer he said, "but wouldn't it be worth it to retire in 2 years?"

Yeah, retire after having spent your life savings and had no sleep for the past two years, besides the fact that your kids have grown and you don't know your wife anymore!

I wish you could talk to my husband.

Thanks,

M. in Colorado

I have a little trouble understanding why these people would instill this sort of false advertisement into people's minds. As of 4 months ago, my husband and I became Independent Business Owners. We have been married for over a year and are currently contemplating divorce. Something I never felt I would do. This business is the reason for all arguments. Tell me how it could ever be a good thing for anyone. It has done nothing but make my life miserable.

A very frustrated and disappointed IBO.

Scott, Thank you for a very informative, rational, site. I only wish my husband had seen it years earlier. My husband and I (begrudgingly) spent 5 years in "the business". Just last month I finally threw out literally thousands of dollars of tapes. The sad part of the whole thing is it wasn't just the money it cost us - the overzealous involvement of our upline in our lives also cost us our marriage.

Marilee L. - finally "free"

The Amway "Dare to Dream" theory nearly destroyed my new marriage, put us financially so far behind the 8-ball, I thought we would never recover, and caused us to delay starting a family by years. My husband was involved by two months when I met him. We got married within two years, barely, and proceeded to almost get divorced in the next two years due to the UNPROFITABILITY of this venture. We were hemorrhaging financially, and our upline just continued to tell me that I was holding my husband back by not believing enough in the "System". We were silver producers, and still so broke that we actually had to sell off personal belongings to buy tapes and tickets and books and CRAP.

The Amway system may work for someone, I am just not sure who the hell it is. Please continue to produce your site. If this had been around when we were still involved I would have GLEEFULLY brought this to an open meeting and confronted those who said it was my fault that we weren't "moving on".

Good luck, and God Bless!

 Dear Mr. Larsen,

I don't know how I came across your website, maybe it is because I have my own doubts after being an IBO for the last 4 years. My husband and I are apart of the WWDB. You know they are the best of the best and will do 5% of the sales\volume for Quixtar\Amway in the next 5 years, so we are told. I just want information. What do you know about them, that I may not have been told?? It is starting to ruin our marriage because I have doubts and my husband is a 100% true believer.

Before getting the business started we had a 2 year old and I was only a year away from getting a Minor in Computer Science. I quit because I was told by our Emerald it wouldn't do as much for me as this business would. I mean in 2-5 years we were going to be free!!! So I gave it all up. Then I have been struggling with being a stay at home Mom. This is what ALL women with children are supposed to do or their children will be corrupted forever by not having the right association, or the impact of a full-time Mom. Then they talk about Home-schooling is the only way to go or your children get the wrong morals etc layed upon them. There is so much in my head right now, I get confused, upset, angry and worry all the time if we are doing the right thing.

I can't even go into the business part of it because no matter what, if you are not growing it is your own fault, for some reason or another. They always have a good response for your lack of growth and it is never them. My husband would be upset if he knew I was looking for answers but whatever you can tell me would be appreciated.

Thank You,

Amyg

Scott,

Thanks so very much for doing what you're doing. I wasn't really able to pinpoint the flaws with the Amway System as well as you have here in this site. I can't tell you how much my Father in Law has put a wedge in my marriage because I won't buy in to the World Wide Group. Now I have something to study and fight back with. Wish me luck. I hope I can save him and my marriage.

Anthony

 

Dear Scott:

My wife (BA/MA) and son (auto technician) are Quixtar proponents. I have been skeptical/disbelieving from the outset. The first flag was that any questions I posed made me a "negative person." I am trained to ask questions and to suspect any argument that requires me to set aside what I know.

Your site may be more complicated that you think since you have probably built it over time. I need a distilled version if possible.

Do you know of any other sources to fairly evaluate Quixtar? My marriage is affected!!!!!!!

cheers,

tom

 Hi Scott,

I was never a direct in Amway but appreciate your web site very much.More power to you.Our sponsors are Emeralds and have completely destroyed our marriage.I knew a lot of things were not right in this business.My once beautiful wife has left our church,friends,family and me for the DREAM.bEEN A NIGHTMARE REALLY.Have to go Please write back.Wehave opened a can of worms with certain pastors who seem in on the act.TRUTH OR MONEY$$$$$???????????

JERRY

From a WEB bulletin board

Date: 8/16/2001, 7:30 PM

Hi,
I am currently going through a messy divorce due to the major reason being Amway. My once beautiful wife has left friends, family etc. for the Amway dream. She told everyone she was going to retire by the end of last year. She told my uncle she was going to buy a two million-dollar boat this year. She is now just about having a mental break down. Our sponsor put a huge wedge in our marriage once he saw I was not interested in doing Amway anymore. One of his comments was, "we are on a mission get a life" Their mission, deceit etc. feel sorry for this guy because he is a emerald and is totally brainwashed himself. He made out he was a marriage counselor at his church but never was. The media are interested in doing a story etc. Please email me if you have had a similar experience have had great support at church and friends who love me the way I Am. Amway people departed when they could not get anything more out of me. This Emerald was also to scared to have a meeting at his church. Ask yourself how much actual profit you are making. Pretend you pay yourself as little as ten dollars an hour showing the plan, phone calls, functions, petrol money, books, tapes etc. I asked all my friends whom I showed Amway to forgive me. I thank God every day I only wasted six months in a cult. We are all still praying that my wife will see the light one-day. Guard your hearts as the bible says. Thanks.

To the divorcee who posted on 8/16/2001, 7:30 PM:

I'm sorry to hear about the unhappy ending to your Amway experience. We had a similar experience in Amway, but fortunately with a happier ending.

After about 9 months in The Business, our monthly PV was down to nearly nothing, mostly because try as we might, we couldn't find anything we really used on a regular basis that wasn't way more expensive through Amway than it was at the stores. We had already committed that our integrity required us not to purchase Amway stuff at higher prices if we were going to prove this was a legit business. Needless to say, this didn't give us a lot of confidence when "showing the plan".

Nevertheless, our sponsors kept pushing the tapes, books and functions, insisting that these were what we needed to get "fired back up".

But here's the kicker: After missing several consecutive weekly "open" meetings, our sponsors met us for lunch one afternoon and at one point went into a spiel about how much they loved us, how glad they were that the business caused them to meet us, and how they'd have wanted to be our friends even if the business never existed.

These are the same people who two months later took my wife aside and told her, "You know, we tried to encourage Mike to be supportive of The Business, but you were always the one we saw the real potential in. Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who obviously doesn't have the same kind of ambition you have? You know he'll just keep dragging you down and coming between you and your dreams. Don't you want more for yourself?"

What changed? I'll bet you can guess. In that interim, I cancelled our standing-order tape and books, and quit attending functions. I told my wife that if the tapes were that important, her sponsors could loan theirs to us and I'd make copies on blank tapes at a tenth of the cost. (Surprise, that didn't happen!)

My wife continued attending functions alone for two months. Until they popped that series of questions on her. That was the last time they ever saw her.

Every time I think about what our conniving scumbag sponsors tried to do in the name of "Building The Business", I recall what our upline Emerald had to say about our friends, who supported our marriage and spiritual growth throughout the years, and were always there when we needed them, but just wouldn't join The Business with us:

"Are they REALLY your friends?"

 

 

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